9 months is a pretty significant time-lapse don't you think? Not least because as I sit here typing, I am 4 days away from my EDD (that's Estimated Due Date, for those of you who don't spend half your current existence lurking on pregnancy and birth forums), and mostly trying to convince myself that hubby and I are completely ready to welcome Baby Girl Dobbo into our lives! (Which we're almost certainly not. But that's ok - it will just happen anyway and we'll figure it out as we go. Right?)
It's been an interesting journey. One of the more difficult aspects was coming off my antidepressants when I discovered I was pregnant (something I was hoping do a little later and rather more slowly than ended up being the case). Although that was by no means an easy process, and the aftermath was pretty tough, I am through it, and today I'm in a better place than I've been for a long time - a much better place than I would have imagined if I'd thought about it beforehand.
But I didn't. Think about it beforehand. And that is a theme of my life. I don't think. Well, obviously I think. I don't think there's anyone who actually doesn't think. The name of this blog is an admission that I think. But it's that pre-thinking, thinking-about-the-future, that I find a struggle. I am generally focused on the present. My mind is taken up with whatever is in front of me at a given time. I find it difficult to reflect internally (hence blogging is a useful tool for me) and even more difficult to consider the future in any meaningful way. So, if you don't mind indulging me, I would like to spend a little time thinking about that now. Thinking about how I think.
How the way I think can be helpful:
- I can usually focus on the task at hand regardless of potential distractions from other areas.
- I don't find decision-making particularly hard, I'm generally happy to think of a way forward that is "good enough" and go for it, figuring that I'll deal with any problems if/when they present themselves.
- I don't worry as much as some others I know who are deeper thinkers (when I'm well, anyway).
- I am rarely disappointed when things don't go the way I imagined/wanted/expected, because I never thought that far ahead anyway!
- I can stick my head in the sand and ignore something, even something major, incredibly effectively. Sadly, this does not mean the major thing goes away and at various times I have found myself left woefully unprepared.
- If I don't write things down I will usually forget them and never think of them again. To-do lists and phone reminders are a matter of survival in my day-to-day life. (In the same vein; if I don't reply to a text immediately, I am very unlikely to ever reply at all. I know that's really rude and that I've probably done it to you and if so, I am genuinely sorry).
- I often find myself unable to express why I do what I do, or believe what I believe, because although I know I have reasons, I usually haven't taken enough time to examine them.
- I tend to take things and people at face value and hardly ever question the motives of others, which can make me quite vulnerable.
Thanks very much for reading this rather existential post - I would be interested to hear how you relate to any of this - how do you think, and how does that help/hinder you?
