When I was 9, my Dad died very suddenly of a heart attack. That's a lot for a 9-year-old to deal with. That summer I went to the annual holiday club run by some local churches. I was full of hurt and questions. I remember vividly someone talking about life after death - about how Jesus, God's son, had come and beaten death, and if we were best friends with him and were sorry for all the bad things we had done, then after we died, we would also come back to life and live forever with him.
I remember thinking about that. It made sense to me that my Dad hadn't just stopped, just ceased to exist, I hated that thought. From what I knew about Jesus, it was a happy thing to imagine my Dad hanging out with him forever. So when they gave us the opportunity that morning, I asked Jesus to become my best friend.
I remember thinking about that. It made sense to me that my Dad hadn't just stopped, just ceased to exist, I hated that thought. From what I knew about Jesus, it was a happy thing to imagine my Dad hanging out with him forever. So when they gave us the opportunity that morning, I asked Jesus to become my best friend.
Then I carried on living. I went to high school. I wasn't the worst teenager in the world but I made some bad choices that resulted in some hurt to me and those around me. I went to church, I sang in the band, I prayed (when I wanted something). I loved the idea of God being in heaven loving me, of having somewhere "nice" to go after I died. And that was about the extent of my faith.
Then I came to uni in Cardiff, and I made some wonderful friends. They were lush (to coin a phrase) and they were also...different. They spoke about Jesus as if they actually knew him. He seemed to make an impact on every part of their lives. Whatever they had, that was what I wanted. As I hung out with them, their lives encouraged me to seek God for myself; I asked him to make himself real to me.
And one day I looked at my life, and realised I had found what I was looking for! I had a living relationship with Jesus, I knew him and I wanted to make choices that honoured him in every way. The sun that started to rise on that day when I was 9, had climbed the sky and suddenly it was a gorgeous sunny morning!
And that's great, but why am I writing about it now?
If you've been keeping up with this blog, you'll know that recently I've been going through a dark time. Last week, I made it to an evening that happens once a month at our church. It's called Refresh and it's - well - refreshing! A group of people come together to worship God, spend time with him and pray for one another. I used to be a regular, but haven't felt up to it for the last few months.
On this evening there came a point where people were sharing stuff they thought God might want to say to encourage the people there (if you're not used to that sort of thing, I'd recommend giving it a try, amazing-ness tends to happen!) When one of the leaders, mentioned a sunrise, my heart beat faster and butterflies filled my stomach - I knew God was speaking to me.
Some lovely ladies came to pray for me, and the sense I was left with was that there's a new day dawning. That right now I may be in the dark of night, but that something else is beginning and I'm going to be able to watch a glorious sunrise in my life.
I have to a large extent lost all confidence and belief in myself and my abilities. I'm questioning what I am capable of and whether I will be able to do the things again that I used to do before. But I still have faith and confidence in my God. I still know his goodness. I know he has been with me in the darkness, and I believe that he is going to cause my sun to rise again.
I'll keep you posted on its progress!
Then I came to uni in Cardiff, and I made some wonderful friends. They were lush (to coin a phrase) and they were also...different. They spoke about Jesus as if they actually knew him. He seemed to make an impact on every part of their lives. Whatever they had, that was what I wanted. As I hung out with them, their lives encouraged me to seek God for myself; I asked him to make himself real to me.
And one day I looked at my life, and realised I had found what I was looking for! I had a living relationship with Jesus, I knew him and I wanted to make choices that honoured him in every way. The sun that started to rise on that day when I was 9, had climbed the sky and suddenly it was a gorgeous sunny morning!
And that's great, but why am I writing about it now?
If you've been keeping up with this blog, you'll know that recently I've been going through a dark time. Last week, I made it to an evening that happens once a month at our church. It's called Refresh and it's - well - refreshing! A group of people come together to worship God, spend time with him and pray for one another. I used to be a regular, but haven't felt up to it for the last few months.
On this evening there came a point where people were sharing stuff they thought God might want to say to encourage the people there (if you're not used to that sort of thing, I'd recommend giving it a try, amazing-ness tends to happen!) When one of the leaders, mentioned a sunrise, my heart beat faster and butterflies filled my stomach - I knew God was speaking to me.
Some lovely ladies came to pray for me, and the sense I was left with was that there's a new day dawning. That right now I may be in the dark of night, but that something else is beginning and I'm going to be able to watch a glorious sunrise in my life.
I have to a large extent lost all confidence and belief in myself and my abilities. I'm questioning what I am capable of and whether I will be able to do the things again that I used to do before. But I still have faith and confidence in my God. I still know his goodness. I know he has been with me in the darkness, and I believe that he is going to cause my sun to rise again.
I'll keep you posted on its progress!
